PeRPLEXED .....

The sequence of events in my life in the recent past have left me perplexed .I find myself in a really awkward position ...the best of professional success and the worst of personal failures have come to me at the same time .I have absolutely no idea as to how to react !!! ...Should i celebrate converting an internship @Microsoft ,My first published research paper ,Winning the "best paper of the year " award in the annual research paper presentation contest @IIT Kanpur out of 1600 entries from all over India,A provisional international internship offer from SUN Microsystems(confirmation awaited )or should i cry over losing my 17 year old dream having been rejected by sum1 who had been the very inspiration behind what i m today ...!!.How am i feeling ..?? To b honest ....I m feeling like a hollow man...!!A walking sketch who has been ripped off his soul ...his belief system ...his brain (which has gone numb)...his heart( which has plummeted into a pebble)...his will to live... I m in a state as if my whole body has paralysed .I am not able to think of anything ...I have millions of questions storming my head at the moment ,with answers to none .My whole belief system has shattered .Things which i believed were right and stood by all my life ,today appear as nothing more than utter foolishness ,believing in GOD topping them all...I don't know how to respond to all those congratulations .....those treat calls ...all the shift in pplz opinion about me ...{and to such an (un)expected end of my dream??}.Life's moving a bit too fast ...so fast so that i m actually scared at times that its throwing things at me which i don't deserve (both positive and otherwise...!!).Last 10 days have probably been the weirdest days of my life ...having witnessed many firsts…i fagged ,i boozed ...skipped my regular tuesday fast ...and headbanged like hell during the rock concerts@waves !!Hmm crying over ...would certainly have been one of the things on the previous list had i not pledged that i ll never cry if she rejects me ..(thats a different case though that i MAY have in case she had said YES) ..Nothing seems to make a difference to me anymore..Well ...to be honest ..i m feeling tired ...tired of everything ....tired of keeping all those promises that i made to others ...to myself ...being the nice guy around who'll never booze or fag ...racing against time ...damn ...They say wateva happens ,it happens for the good .But i m not sure....i leave it all on time ...but one thing's for sure ...i ll never be the same nymore ....