FAILED.....

While cleaning my room today ..i stumbled upon this old news article about a 12 th class student named akash commiting suicide over his failure in class 12 th maths exam ….
That was sumthing really disturbing and got me thinking …as I reflect back on my own life …i find myself in a similar situation sum 2 yrs back …how does it feel to fail at an exam ….???fall short of people’s expectations ….???u kno ..as they say …thr’s nothing more free than free advice in this world !!!

I remember last vacations when I was home ….i had soo many ppl coming to me wid their wards for guidance ..{I din mind it ..!!}….but den every1 sumwhr DID TELL ME{and my parents as well!!} ..WAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO !!...oh …now u r in bits ..DO AN MBA AFTER ENGG. And then u r settled in ur life ….i was like ..huh y the hell shuld I do a mba ..if I don want to !!!and den who the f*** were they to tell me wat to do ….{i m blessed to have such understanding and non interfering parents …my parents never told me ..wat to do ..they jus said ..son, v belive in u …its ur life ..do wateva u want ..v ll b thr wid u ..}

y don’t they themselves clear CAT and make their own lives better {lolz..i m sure IIMs do allow ppl of ny age to take CAT !!}

But I guess not every1 is as lucky as me !

How do you feel ,when almost everyone tells u to become like som1 else,? Irritated? Frustrated? Angry? Disillusioned? Why can’t I just be myself? u want to shout, but no one listens. It’s a common story in Indian middle class families I guess …children are frequently hounded by questions like, your dad/brother/sister/uncle cleared IIT; why u could not? u want to answer, even I can do several things which they can’t. But no 1 listens again. u feel urself being judged by some1 else on the basis of ur board’s marks; or worse on the basis of ur CGPA wen in college.

Everytime, anytime. It’s the parents who decide everything for their kids, where everyone is besotted with the marks on their children’s report card, where only engineering and medical is considered “cool” or “ hot”. Where virtually everyone lives a programmed life. “ Do a Btech from IIT ,BITS or any other very goddamn “good” engineering college, do an MBA after that…blah,blah,blah."

Most of the Indian parent live their life through their children ( I couldn’t become a Doctor, if my son becomes one, the void in my life will be filled)… In their sons, they see themselves, through them..they live their dreams…. And they make sure that their children reach their goal. No matter what price it takes. Parent’s attitude dominates child’s aptitude. Are most of the suicides in our country driven parent's pressure? Their unrelenting nature of seeing their child successful. Everytime. Why in spite of loving their sons/daughters so much, they pretend to be a little so callous, strict, unrelenting. Their son’s marks mattering to them above everything else….. Above everything else….. Atleast that’s what they pretend and that’s what their children think…..That is why many Akash prefer dying than crying before their dad. Not that it is bravery or something; it still is cowardice, but a little less painful????.

We have an entire generation wanting to become doctors or engineers without asking themselves what they really want to become.Most of them must be like me{a few yrs back !!}, with no special aptitude for anything, not even wondering how to manage….not really thinking. Try your luck with everything, something hopefully will click….. But not every1 harbor’s the same views, there are some(and their number is very less) who have the philosophy of" One life,One dream,One chance"…. And what do v do? v Judge them by the same standards. The standards which say u are good enough only if u get more than x marks in physics, more than y in chemistry…..

Our present thinking and education system doesn’t do anything for to be writers, journalists, musicians….u want to prepare for engg.? Kewl. Our country has more than 500 coaching institutes and more than 50000 teachers to help u. But, if u want to be a creative writer…wait a second….what’s that?

And even after coming to BITS …thr r people back home who r worried abt my low CGPA last semester{gosh i m sooo happy ..thr r soo many ppl –not my parents--who care soo much abt me ….!!lolz}..and I ll probably ruin my vacations explaining them the reasons for that !!

But the point is, howsoever messed up people’s attitude in general is, does it matter? No matter, how much people demoralize you, does it matter? You should be able to back yourself up, trust your instincts and do everything (within your capacity) to do something you love doing. Because, you have only one life, you should do what you believe in, even if you fail you would have tried something you believed in and if you try hard enough, there is no reason you can fail. No one could have summed it up like Frank Sinatra did, “ You live only once, and the way I have lived, once is enough”.Is one life enough for you?