BLOGGING STYLE ....

Its been sumtime ..i ve been expressing myself through this medium "blogging !!"....Today probably is the time to review ..wat has this blog given to me ...{and wat has it taken away ..!}!!

To b honest ..blogging has been a truly new{and enriching ??} experience for me ...it got me back to spending sum time on my artisitic pursuits -sketching drawing ..painting ..{ever noticed my caricature :D}!!it has given me MY SPACE on the web ..wich i had longed for... since longg !!..{but out of laziness for developing my own website ...did not have till date ...}..blogging provided me a convenient medium to vent out my share of rants and raves ...

But today wen i look back at my blog ...{woah ..wich has more than 15 posts now ...!!}...i wonder at the very reasoning behind creating it !!...since i never publicized my blog by posting its link on my orkut profile ..or my gtalk status !!i have soo many questions on my mind right now ...

more so after reading a post on BLOGGING STYLES by a veryy gud frnd of mine ...i feel like discontinuing posting on my blog {or even delete it ??}...till now ..the link to this blog has been with a handful few ...{whom i thot ..wuld -probably- understand ME }.but now i c ..dat blog's r supposed to b written by only prospective PULITZER prize winners ...!!wow ...

but again i wonder r blogs only for entertainment ?? writing amusing stuff wich ppl love to comment on ??

wat if i feel differently from most of the ppl out thr ??wat if i don feel like blogging abt "mosquito bites " {pun intended ..},sharapova's legs and worse abt "other ppl's blogging styles !!"??

wat if i write abt wat i feel most abt{life ..emotions ...social issues !!} ??

everyone of us in this world is unique !!aint v ??v all had our own share of expriences in our life{till date }that shaped US ...wat if i was brought up in a way ..that i appreciate things which an average teenager wuld laf at ..!!but then this veryy uniqueness of each one of us ..is the most exciting feature of human race ..isnt it ???

wat if ...my english or for that matter writing style aint that gud as few others of my age ...wat if i cant think the way they do ..{and they ..the way I do }...??

It is indeed high time for some introspection ...whr is this blog heading !!!??

i started it off as sumthing that i would cherish sumtime frm then ....but is it really shaping that way ??for whom m i writing this ?? as another of my frnds wrote in his blog ...to impress a gal frnd ?? GRE practise ?? lolz...but i m afraid i cant find my reason of starting this blog in any of these ..!!!my reason was i guess a lot simpler !!..jus express myself through ..everyday i encounter innumerous events and things that get me thinking ...or put me in midst of a storm of emotions ....and then they jus pass through ..i jus wanted to capture a few of those moments in words ....wich i can look back ...and laugh {cry ??}...and c the change i ve gone through ..over time {read discovering myself !!}!!.& .how really things in my life have changed .!!!

but den do i really want to do this ???

wat m i afraid off ??

m i afraid that ppl will start askin me abt ..whom those love poems and all{read senti stuff !!}r for ???

hell yea ..i ve liked a gal frm my childhood days ...and rather than havin everyday crushes ..and trying flirting arnd wid whomsoever i get a chance to ..i ve rather kept my feelings pure ...and {god willing }..wuld love to marry her ...and spend the rest of my life wid her ..{and her only ...}

btw ...she doesnt surf net ...and probably will never kno abt this blog ...so i dont really give a F*** to wat all others think abt me ....does that tag me ABNORMAL --a loser ???

i m not sure ....but if it does ..i have no qualms in even accepting that ...

for that matter ..i m still in two minds as to shuld i make this blog public ??or keep it wid myself {like i have done till now !}....will the blogger community ACCEPT me as another NORMAL guy {read blogger } on the block...or my blog is doomed to live life of a loner {jus like me ???!!}!!well i have my apprehensions but in the end only god knows ...!!

PROMISE .......

I love you
coz I love you,
I cannot give you a Reason,
True Love cannot be defined,
It has an Eternal Season.

If You ask how much I love you,
I might say I cannot explain,
Coz my feelings are so intimate,
But the Words are so Plain.

If You ask me how much I care,
I might just say 'so much',
Coz there are no words in the Language,
That can describe my care as such.

If You ask how much I miss you,
I might just say 'a lot',
Coz when you are away,I feel so lonely,
I try to be okay, but I cannot.

I don't decorate my feelings with words,
I keep my feelings just pure,
All I can give you is a promise,
I will keep loving you more & more !

FAILED.....

While cleaning my room today ..i stumbled upon this old news article about a 12 th class student named akash commiting suicide over his failure in class 12 th maths exam ….
That was sumthing really disturbing and got me thinking …as I reflect back on my own life …i find myself in a similar situation sum 2 yrs back …how does it feel to fail at an exam ….???fall short of people’s expectations ….???u kno ..as they say …thr’s nothing more free than free advice in this world !!!

I remember last vacations when I was home ….i had soo many ppl coming to me wid their wards for guidance ..{I din mind it ..!!}….but den every1 sumwhr DID TELL ME{and my parents as well!!} ..WAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO !!...oh …now u r in bits ..DO AN MBA AFTER ENGG. And then u r settled in ur life ….i was like ..huh y the hell shuld I do a mba ..if I don want to !!!and den who the f*** were they to tell me wat to do ….{i m blessed to have such understanding and non interfering parents …my parents never told me ..wat to do ..they jus said ..son, v belive in u …its ur life ..do wateva u want ..v ll b thr wid u ..}

y don’t they themselves clear CAT and make their own lives better {lolz..i m sure IIMs do allow ppl of ny age to take CAT !!}

But I guess not every1 is as lucky as me !

How do you feel ,when almost everyone tells u to become like som1 else,? Irritated? Frustrated? Angry? Disillusioned? Why can’t I just be myself? u want to shout, but no one listens. It’s a common story in Indian middle class families I guess …children are frequently hounded by questions like, your dad/brother/sister/uncle cleared IIT; why u could not? u want to answer, even I can do several things which they can’t. But no 1 listens again. u feel urself being judged by some1 else on the basis of ur board’s marks; or worse on the basis of ur CGPA wen in college.

Everytime, anytime. It’s the parents who decide everything for their kids, where everyone is besotted with the marks on their children’s report card, where only engineering and medical is considered “cool” or “ hot”. Where virtually everyone lives a programmed life. “ Do a Btech from IIT ,BITS or any other very goddamn “good” engineering college, do an MBA after that…blah,blah,blah."

Most of the Indian parent live their life through their children ( I couldn’t become a Doctor, if my son becomes one, the void in my life will be filled)… In their sons, they see themselves, through them..they live their dreams…. And they make sure that their children reach their goal. No matter what price it takes. Parent’s attitude dominates child’s aptitude. Are most of the suicides in our country driven parent's pressure? Their unrelenting nature of seeing their child successful. Everytime. Why in spite of loving their sons/daughters so much, they pretend to be a little so callous, strict, unrelenting. Their son’s marks mattering to them above everything else….. Above everything else….. Atleast that’s what they pretend and that’s what their children think…..That is why many Akash prefer dying than crying before their dad. Not that it is bravery or something; it still is cowardice, but a little less painful????.

We have an entire generation wanting to become doctors or engineers without asking themselves what they really want to become.Most of them must be like me{a few yrs back !!}, with no special aptitude for anything, not even wondering how to manage….not really thinking. Try your luck with everything, something hopefully will click….. But not every1 harbor’s the same views, there are some(and their number is very less) who have the philosophy of" One life,One dream,One chance"…. And what do v do? v Judge them by the same standards. The standards which say u are good enough only if u get more than x marks in physics, more than y in chemistry…..

Our present thinking and education system doesn’t do anything for to be writers, journalists, musicians….u want to prepare for engg.? Kewl. Our country has more than 500 coaching institutes and more than 50000 teachers to help u. But, if u want to be a creative writer…wait a second….what’s that?

And even after coming to BITS …thr r people back home who r worried abt my low CGPA last semester{gosh i m sooo happy ..thr r soo many ppl –not my parents--who care soo much abt me ….!!lolz}..and I ll probably ruin my vacations explaining them the reasons for that !!

But the point is, howsoever messed up people’s attitude in general is, does it matter? No matter, how much people demoralize you, does it matter? You should be able to back yourself up, trust your instincts and do everything (within your capacity) to do something you love doing. Because, you have only one life, you should do what you believe in, even if you fail you would have tried something you believed in and if you try hard enough, there is no reason you can fail. No one could have summed it up like Frank Sinatra did, “ You live only once, and the way I have lived, once is enough”.Is one life enough for you?